Friday, March 28, 2008

Cook ~ \o/


After a period of boring time, I took a lesson of cooking. Chinese style is not my first choice, yet it is a proper way to make sure if I love cooking so much or just it is an impulse. The class is held on every friday. Each time takes six hours to experience ten dishes. There are six people in the class, and i have two partners in the same team. Generally, I have chance to make two or three dishes everytime. The class is held for passing examination, so the significant point is the progress of cooking intsead of tastes. Today is my second day to go to the class. All my classmates are housewives or students who are studying at high school still. It is an another kind of interest. Until now, I got some ideas about how to manage shimps, chicken's breasts, meat from pig's rear legs, loofahs. However, I consider it really takes time to comprehend the mysterious tricks. I can feel it, but it is invisible or inconspecious. Well at the same time, I also feel my new life is starting moving a little bit. As old wisdom said," the most difficult part of an issue is the beginning." Thank you for your courage! I will make my life better with my complete effort. I am excited now!! lol By the way, the picture is 粉蒸肉片. The yellow stuff in the bottom is sweetpotato, and the all above are slices of pork with special powder. I preserved the meat with salt, sugar, alcohol, garlic, strips of chili first. The process of preserving took 15 minutes. Then piled the meat in a bowl, and put thick slices of sweetpotato as a cover on the top. Eventually, using vapor to steam it for 30 minutes, and it would be done and shapped by the bowl. It tasted really amazing~~The sweetpotato was the one that everyone praised for mostly. BUT, the main charactor in this dish is meat. *_*"

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I am so lucky that you had been my lover


It is bizarre. I obtained this thought while I was waiting bus 311 for going home. No one was there except me. It was 0538 pm maybe, and it was supposed to be very crowded because of the time for students to go home. I was glancing around cars, buses, passerby and everything. Suddenly I missed you. We had been with each other more than ten years. It is much longer than the average of the time for lovers staying with each other. Even it is longer than some couples. I was so sad when we had to seperate. I was so exhausted to persuade myself that we were still friends, best friends. Furtunately, we are friends now. I love you. in another way. This is why I can miss you with smile in my face. I appreciate you because you completed my life originally. Without you, here is no Brian anyway. I understand why you were beside me for several years, and I was beside you in the same period of time. We were the best lovers. We are the best friends. We are the dreamy partners. I also comprehend why my male friends couldn't understand the reason I loved you so much. In the little prince, words cause misunderstanding. So please feel it, but not judge it or think of it. Just feel it and may someday you can get it. Then I don't have to explain it any more. It is superior than physiology and even psychology. It is it. IT.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Marriage


What decides the exact time I should get married? My age? My relationship with women? My ability about making babies? My appearance? My will? My parents? My friends? or The one? I knew this situation before when I was 25. Now I am in the situation, and I am 34 or 35. What kind of situation? All my friends introduced "a lot "of women to me and asked me what my conditions about choosing women are. You tell me first. Before you got married with this lady beside you, what are your conditions about choosing women? Are they match the lady you married with? I don't think you can tell me that. It is love. WHat is love? It is invisible. It is incredible. It is amazing. It is natural. I can' tell you when I will get married before the lady and me are sure that we are the one for each other. Even I don't think marriage is necessary in my life. It is a paper. It is a ceremony. I can make "marriage" perfectly without these extra stuff. It is wonderful you can married with your dreamy husband or wife. I admire all of you, yet I am enjoy about my single life completely. The departure of my second or third life is just starting. It seems unfirm, floatable, or even dangerous. Well, it is exciting and terrific too. Get married? Yes, sure, but maybe later. I am not in a hurrry. lol

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Yearning is always beautiful and sweet


If I can, I wish I can miss you all the time. All the memories vibrate in my mind are so fabulous and tremendous. I wish I can spend the time on missing you, yet it will make me loose you soon. Memory is too beautiful to exist in the reality. Friends told me I am a dreamer, and I am a person who protect myself too much too. Oh, maybe I am one of them. Oh! No, Maybe both. Be real, be cool. The time I spent in Toronto was not the most beautiful period of time in my life, but it was the most meaningful and wonderful half year in my thirty-four years. I experienced the world I looked forward all the time in Toronto. I met the people I dare not expect for having relationship in my life in Toronto. My original world was too small to make a big dream. When I hold the bigger and abroad world, I was so excited but afraid that it was just a dream. Nevertheless, while I was surprised at your intelligence, your maturation, your humor and your smile, it was too perfect to be just in a dream. Everything in a dream is just good but not perfect or wonderful. And you were so perfect and real. The feeling is fantastic to know somebody who misses you. For missing you, I will improve myself as possible as I can. Then the reality can match the yearning in the future. We will meet each other at that time. It will be amazing and beautiful.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Small Happiness


Yerterday I went to a coffee chop, actually this store sells every kind of beverages, where I had fun with my best friends when we were young. I stayed there alone from 0445 pm to 0648 pm, and the companies were a group of high school students. They were so noisy and funny. As a matter of fact, I wished they could leave as soon as possible because I wanted to focus on reading my novel, The Little Princ. Thereafter, I found what they talked became a apetizer for me to immerse myself in the reading peacefully. Just like symphony, if my reading was the main melody, they were must the beautiful chord. I am not a capable musician. I often lost my attention to comprehend what I read, and overheared what they said. They were doing what I did almost twenty years ago. The content was innutrinious and sometimes in bad taste, but I always laughed with them. The class was low, but the feeling was pure and clean. I ordered a set whcih included a glass of mike tea and a bagel involved smoked chicken decorated with salad in a plate . The onion tasted so hot. I thought the cook forgot to stir-fry it a little bit previously to make the onion sweet and soft. Even if he wanted to offer a healthy dish, it is better to cut it in small pieces instead of such "huge" ones. lol . Back to the reading, that was my second time to read "the little prince", but I felt i have never read it before. Is it the problem about timing or the situation i am in? Maybe. Maybe I am mature enough to understand the meaning in the novel. I had a good time what i never expected that there. Eventually, I also bought a pair of sport shoes what i looked for from two weeks ago. It was cheap and nice. All of them were just small happiness, but i obtained huge satisfaction. It is not difficult to enjoy every moment, but keep a amusive emotion to welcome everyday.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Perfect plans cannot cover the change


I had prepared so many plans to accomplish my goals, but suddenly all of them are useless now. I had enough time to be upset and anxious, but I finally comprehend that there is no time to waste. I used to be afraid about that there are too much misfortunes in my life, yet i found what i really fear is i always spend too much time on feeling angry and distracted. Saving the time to do what is worth to be done. Happiness appears all the time, and so does sadness. Why do people worry about that it is too short to enjoy happiness, or it is too long to bear sadness? I passed through the awkward feeling quickly this time, and i discovered i was the boss of myself instead of any others. It is hurt to change something seems as a matter of course always. It is comfortable to follow the traditional ones all the time. BUT what is the exact goal we pursue? The feeling or the following exciting result? The interesting point is we focus on the feeling in the beginning, and then later we are aware of that the goal is far away of the track because of our carelessness. It makes me feel exausted when I meet something except of my strategy, and i need time to recover from the negative emotion. it is waste obviously. Waste of time and energy. Now i still make plans previous, but they are not for the change but the goals and the future. NOT for the change.

Friday, March 7, 2008

MOnster


Hello everybody who knows me,


I am sorry to show you that i am a mature guy although sometimes truely i am.

I am sorry to express myself to you like i am a good person although soemtimes truely i am.


The truth is i think everyone has more than two sides of himself or herself.

I have never tried to pretend to be perfect or mature in front of you, but i do wanted to show you a better person who is better than the normal one.


It is a fake one, yet it is true me in some way.

I am not tender.

I am not kind.

I am not patient.

the all above, they will reveal when I am doing or accomplishing something intensively.


I am not afraid you are gonna know the hidden me.

It is more attractive, i think so.

However, it is sharp.


A monster


Yes i am


no more cover, no more pretense.


yes, Clair, the nickname you gave me is a wonderful one, MB.

Maybe it is not Motorcycle Brian.

It is Monster Brian....

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

No way

I won't escape from the feeling. I take it sinerely. I am sorry. If you willing to forgive me, I will thank god we are still freind. If not, I can take it and i will treat like my friend still. I did too many stupid and regrattable things and decisions. I don't want to be afraid to be myself. Sorry about my unperfect personality if I hurt you so hard. I will love myself more and more. Then i can start to love others, from my heart. I love you. I wish I have never hurted you. Please accept this feeling and remember the pain, Brian. make it better and wonderful in the future. It is pity to lose friends in this way but it happened all the time. I have to go now. Thank myself to wake up to be the real one. bear the pressure and take it. Enjoy it.

What the hell....

WHat the fucking hell? I am back, and then i am sorry. Sould i come back? mixed it? blend it? half and half? what a fxcking situation? make a foundation and build everything on it? Why i always hurt the people i care and i always let the people who i don't care feel better? yes i am this kind of person. shit. yes, you are right. Friends won't force friends to do what they don't wanna do. I am pretty sure i am back. but too much. what i learned is in myself. reveiw it. check it before i do everything. Just like i speak english. be careful. before i let "it" out. you know what. it is useless . sorry can do nothing. Sorry can cure nothing. sorry always save the buy who did something wrong only. but the one who need the cure is who i want apologize for. so selfish. too selfish.

I am sorry.

I am sorryI am sorry I am sorry I am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryvI am sorryI am sorryvI am sorryI am sorry keep silence. I know apology will cure nothing, but i will feel better. so selfish. I am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorry

I am back.


It is definitly true. To be a student is such fortunate. No more fear. No more mercy. No more tolerance. I tried hardly to be a tame member in this family, but you think that is me actually. You will never know you are wrong. Totally wrong. But you will see that soon, at least. You are not my target, you are not my burden. I am going to do what I should do and need to do. We all know that to get girls is not big deal, yet to have a lovely job is a kind of problem. It is amazing. I just finished an animation. It talks about a genius who limited himself in a frame because he cares about his two brothers and father. Does he care about the money? no. Does he care about the position? no. He cares about the relationship and the emotion in the family. So he limited himself in a tiny frame to keep the unbalanced balance in his family. Until he met a new classmate, it is not balanced anymore. He still cares about his family, his brothers, and his parents. However, he understands the time is coming. Without thinking anything else, but his own businese. So do I. Sorry buddy. I think I did whole thing wrong to make you live in this way, but you are not my duty. you are yours. i gave you more than twenty years, but i think maybe you have never known that, and even you thought that was natural. Seriously, I don't care about your feeling anymore. I don't care about your confidence anymore. I don't care about you will fale or succeed. now it is time for you to grow up. I have walked with you for such a long time. Sorry about that. No more. Because i am not a four feet animal. I only have two feet, and with a pair of wings. I said I am a lion, and i was wrong. I am not sure what kind of animal I looked like now. Hello my dear friends. Long time no see. the original one. .\ /.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Pressure

I am surprised that the pressure comes so fast, and it is from my mom. Somebody started the war which I tried to avoid always. I argued with my friend one day. I cound't sleep. Just second day I am back to Taiwan. A house. it is just a house. If you want the money, just take it. If you want to ask my help, just tell me directly. But never, ever do this again. I was angry. You have to bear your responsibility, and i will do my job too. However, you will not have my respect anymore. It is all business now. I will go to consider it carefully to distinguish the burden which belong to you or me. No more mercy and consideration. My way is there. Thank you for everything you done for me when I was not here. You won't know forever what i am going to do, and yo won't have any ideas why i make it so cruelly. Because you have never understood what you did was such foolish behavior. Look at the mirror if you can. Tell me what you get in the honest reflection. A hero, or a coward? Never ever do this kind of thing again, or i will let you know what kind of persons you are and I AM. FUCK the reality. No more mercy and respect. No more tolerence and consideration. I will do what I should do , even it is cruel. You asked it yourself. Think about it carefully, i mean really carefully. You just did something that you should not ever do it.