discover the inside of me

quote from: http://www.gamez.com.tw/viewthread.php?tid=425719&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D935

People usually say that the feeling comes after the broke up with your lover is like heart broken. Well, is it that so painful? Yes, in that moment, it is. But the most horrible thing is the one which is going to come soon later when you are aware that you are a single person. It is not only just a loss of a lover, a girlfriend OR a boyfriend, but a lack of a company, a partner AND a closest friend. I found I feel lonely. I found I am empty. I found I get every feelings lightly. I found I am exhausted from everything. Nothing is there for me at all. Nobody is there for me anymore. Of course there is somebody for me in the future, but I wonder if I can love someone as whole-hearted as i did. At least I feel so absolutely lonely and single. I try such hard to figure out how I could live without her before, how rich my live was fourteen years ago, and why I can't live with myself only. I start to know why the poems all say the feeling is like there is a hole in your heart when you lose the person you fall in love with. Now I just wanna talk with somebody who can listen to and talk with me. But she can't understand any kind of funny things I do purposely to make her laugh. She doesn't know how to make me laugh either. I am feeling I am taking off the suit of armor which is used to protect my tender heart for a long long time, without fear. I start to understand why some old guys will go dying soon after their wives died. Because the most most important people in their lives are gone. There are no enough time for them to find the next one to live and talk with, even if they think they can. There is no reason for me to live if I have to face the kind of situation. Yes, there are something more scared than death for sure. When we are young, we have everything, time, friends, figures, appearances, money and so on. However, we have nothing but few days to live when we are old. I will be really appreciated the girl who is going to fall in love with me. I can't imagine the scene, and it becomes so strange and far away, I mean romance. It is embarrassed to face my real feeling and emotion directly, but I should do it long time ago, maybe before I lost her. Thank God I am still have time to accomplish what I am desired to immerse in. I will keep thinking everything which is related to my future. Sorry ,my friends. I need these days to be calm. I will be back before they start to forget there is a nice guy as me.