Thursday, February 28, 2008

THe feeling is.......


I know it will become tough. I know it will go to the end of the lane. I know i will become sensitve. I know i won't cry. I know i will keep smiling with tears in my eyes. I know you will be there to look at my leaving. It will be the first time for me to have a girl in my mind while i am leaving. Everytime i looked at you. I don't know what to say. I am not shy. I am not embarrassed. I am not trying to be cool. I am just plain. I am just thinking with nothing. My brain is filling without anything but maybe your image. It is not just love. It is not just friendship. It is not just careness. It is not just love. It is not just love. It is not. You are beautiful. You are pretty. You are sweet. You are cute. You are amazing. You are fabulous. You are the one. You are the one who force me to abandon my original life. You are the one who make me to feel something else. You are an angel. You are a girl. You are a special girl. You are definitely a smart girl. When you find the way you have looked for so long time, you are going to fly. When you discover the light, You are going to smile. When you know who you are, you are going to be the one who you have looked for so long time suddenly. you are so nice and perfect, but you are not so sure about that. you try it hard. Wish you have bravery and wisdom in the future to deal with the difficulties you will meet. The one who can judge you is you. The one can accomplish yoiu is you. The one who can let you know you are wonderful is you. I am a messenger. I send you the messages from you. Can you tell that? Can you understand that? You ask me to be the messenger to send the messages to you. Now i am leaving. You are going to know the truth. I am sorry i didn' tell you that. Because i can be with you more often. I am selfish. but i am leaving soon. You will be much better after tomorrow. You will be confidente after tomorrow. LOVELY GIRL, do you know you are so lovely? Do you know you are so so so lovely? You are lovely.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

What a wonderful world !!









Thank you, Clair. You gave us a unforgetable "final lunch". I have never expected this lunch could be so amazing, so fantastic, so perfect. Moreover, there was a crazy karaok after the lunch. What can I say? What a wonderful day!! I really appreciate everybody coming to have lunch together and have fun together. I also appreciate the guys who couldn't come to think about the lunch for a while. I know you are willing to come. I know you are lovely guys. Never mind. Everything is going well. Going perfect. Can you ask me the stupid question again? " do you like toronto?" What a such silly question!? I don't like it. I LOVE it. LOVE IT. The people who are studying in YorkU are tremendous! I am glade I am here even i am already 34 years old but i look like 28.haha. "gimme gimme more, gimme gimme more!" "slave~~" I believe i will have a nice dream tonight. I believe i will remember everything happened today. I stay here almost 6 months. but it is not worth or valuable than today. What I got , what i learn ,what i enjoy in ,what i want to remember in my life. I love you guys!!!!!!!!!! I just such enjoy when we are together. I love you!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

About the movie~The Bucket list


Two old men created a wonderful story. Nobody would expect there will be a happy ending. Because they are dying and soon. What are we going to do if we know there are only six months for us? Take the process of cure diligently or stay at home to spend time with family? Can we do what they did? Death is not what we are afraid about, the understanding of we are dying is scary. How about make a list about what i want to do in my life? DOn't say there are nothing i really want to do before I am dead. Think it seriously and deeply. You will find there are too many things that you desire to do but you didn't realize it. Because the reality is there. It always reminds us what we should do now.Prepare for the life when we are old. Prepare for life then we can have better lives. You must hear this before~You have to love yourself first, then you know ow to love others. Let's make it expended a little bit. If you don't know how live well now, how come you will have a better life in the future. DOn't lie to ourselves. Don't feel pity with ourselves. We are the bosses. We are the creaters. Before you start your fantastic life, think about it for a while, then make sure you are living in the life you enjoy in. Maybe we are not smart enough to choose what is right. How about try not to waste time in what we don't really want to touch. Life is complicated. Human being is complicated too. I am and so are you. I do appreciate the people who encouraged me to be here. Even who discourage me. all of you are my energy. I am the machine, and i can translate it. By the way, today i had a good time. It was amazng. I fell down so many times. It was god damn hurt. My right arm is sore, but my spirit is clear. When is the next time I go snowboarding?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

It is a nice night~

It was weird. On Friday night, i spent three hours on walking and taking buses and subtrains. On saturday night, I spent time on waiting people and feeling sad and angry. What is happened? Nobody wanted to go out tonight? I was confused. Although I had a good time to eat and drink with my friends, it is pity to face the acward situation. I have no idea that I did something wrong or .... anyway, what the fucking hell! It is better to be myself. i know sometimes there are no answers and reasons. SO i give up. i accept it as i gobble a cluster of pasta. I take it as it is my probloem. But what face sould i show them later? Smile? Anger? or soemthing else. Thank you all. It is my first time to meet this weird situation. I didn't know how to stand it int he beginning. Maybe i don't know it yet. it is not my problem ,and why i have to spend time on thinking about it. now , stop and do my business. I will have a good day tomorrow.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Long Vacation

My vacation is going to the destination.
"There is always a purpose behind an event." Pro Glogowski said.
However, the purpose is not obvious and immediate.
I believe whatever you did, you will get the return later. No exception.
Soon or later.
Yesterday I finished everything I have to do.
Today is the first day of my last vecation.
I don't know why I feel weird...
I forgot everything I learned.
I started to remember everything about Taiwan, but I am still here.
And I started to miss here. Toronto. shit....
Because of friends or other things?
Ever, I thought I was suffering.
I am not sure it is enjoyment or suffering now...
Review my life, I always choose the most difficult one or the most relaxed one.
In the military, about jobs, related to girlfriend, even now...
I consider maybe this is why i always think what Morrie said
"Are you the person who you want to be?""Do you live in the life what you want to live in?"
This is my culture
Do what should be done. Don't be selfish. .....
IS my definition wrong or the wrong one is my culture?
This decision was my first one for myself.
My dear friend sunderstood my situation, and they knew I needed it
What they gave me was blessing when I was leaving.
I am confused because I obtain too much memory in six months.
Do we have next chance to have a lunch?
Do we have next opportunity to snowboard?
Do we , DO we........

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentines day


I am lost.
The feeling is relaxed.
It seems it is on purpose.
I am supposed to be in this blurred situation.
Now i am here. you are there. everybody is everywhere.
Happy morning afternoon evening night midnight Valentines day

Saturday, February 9, 2008

I met an Angel from North....


You told me that I am the angel to listen to you. I never told you that you are the angel who kept talking with me. But you are and I have not told you. An fat and strong angel. Haha. It is not important whether an angel is fat or slim, weak or strong, beautiful or ugly! Because, you are a cute angel. In my culture, we don't express our feeling directly, but you are. What I am looking for, you have. I am not sure I am looking for a daughter too? Fortunately, I got one who is bigger enough. haha. It was amazing to spend money in that kind of speed. I did it all the time in my hometown, but "this" is different. Too many things just happened, yet I could not imagine them previously. Suddenly I am here already. I love Canada more and more. Ever, I thought I changed a lot. I spoke English. I ate hotdogs to be my lunch every noon. I made sandwiches to be my snack every afternoon. And I believed it is good to have an apple everyday, then I did it all the time. What I did was like a western person. However, what I thought was like Taiwanese. There is always a voice trying to tell me something but it is too light, too soft. I have to be more concnetrated. "am I the person who I want to be?" "Do I do everything what I want to do?" It is not necessary to be dying, it do need to live lively.

Monday, February 4, 2008

About Windsor

It was a capricious decision. I gave myself a one week vacation to visit Windsor. It was a correct decision definitely. I understand what live is after I spent the time only on sleeping, eating, reading and playing poker except watching TV and playing video games. In that period of time, I read one chapter of "Tuesdays of Morrie" about death and one chapter of "becoming vegetarian". Some familiar sentence came out again. " Are you the person you want to be? Do you live in the life you want to live?" DO I? How to distinguish a person who is brave or not? Can he walk alone in a dark street at midnight? Or dare he challenge the authority? It is brave without doubt, but how about presenting ourselves nakedly without any affectation? I know I can not do it now. I am so afraid to lose my friends if I jusy be myself. It is ridiculous, isn't it? It happens in my life always. When I have a completely private time with myself, I can think everything deeply. When I am exhausted, my feeling becomes more sensitive. Everytime I lose something, I regret why I didn't make decision earlier.