Internet vs Starbucks

quoted from:http://wordsaboutthings.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/starbucks-to-close-600-stores/
I have never been in Starbucks so many times in Taiwan. However, I have spent almost all weekend in Starbucks in Malaysia. Yes, I am here because they offer free internet and what I have to pay is only the price of a cup of coffee. Because of this, I used to have a cup of Espresso in Starbucks every weekend. No, Espresso is not such tasty for me to order it all the time, but it is cheaper than others. :) Sometimes I fall in love with something, for I got to choose it or nothing. And in this situation, even I am kind of forced to accept this stuff but it has its special attraction to grasp my attention. Espresso has strong smell and filles with bitter and some sour taste. (of course it depends on coffee beans' sources.) I have tried it when I was young, and that experience was not so good. lol I am mature now, and I believe in what people always say "adult taste" generally. I am joyful to try new stuff which I would be reluctant to have any experiences about . Bitter stuff and samll size drinks (the volume of Espresso is really less than others) :p are the main things I tried to avoid all the time. Yes, Human beings are changing all the time, but we do keep something firmly inside. As an old Chinese common saying (an adage), "A king of a country can be changed easily, but it is almost impossible to change a person's natural character." Oh, poeple are more and more in Starbucks and the internet is going to be slow down. Time to leave~

the feeling comes from deep inside

It is smart to treasure what already be holded in palms. It is stupid to see everything merited. Human beings are blind, even with a pair of shining and beautiful eyes. What in arms and palms means what are really be owned. What in front or around means what are belonged to others or belonged to themselves. I lost something what I will never be able to take it back in this life probably. The feeling is not a regretful one but kind of a thought that I indeed wish I could do more to make that situation better if time can be reversed. The feeling comes from deep inside. It is hurt maybe or could be unbearable probably. It is amasing that the solution is to hold it tightly but gently. To feel it sincerely with hearts , then it could be melted generally. Step by step. Second by second. In some good article whixh my friend sent to me said," What we can use is Today. Yesterday is passed away. Tomorrow is not coming yet." Focusing on the instant is the most realistic method to deal with life time. Plan for the future but Do it now always.

It is a test

If there is the God, he or her is a humorous guy definitely. The test always follow the situation which I finally made up my mind firmly. It is a warm but hard test. The purpose of this test is to make sure my mind is fixed or not, or it can be modified maybe. Every time I would think my dicesion again and again. Sometimes I don't think there is a right answer or decision in fact. What needs to do is to think carefully and make a decision bravely. I used to spend a lot of time on makin a choice, but it usually didn't match the blueprint which I imaged previously. Now I think maybe the problem is I THINK too much. haha. Just do it. Nike said this all the time and I am the guy they hate most without doubt. Ya Ya, just do it and try it. Failure is always there. What I am going to lose? Money? Time? life? When I hold everything in my two palms, I would have no more hands to grasp what the most important stuff in my life. Release first, then get something really good. Anyway, I will never "wish" I can make good and right decisions, but i will try to do them first to amke sure they are right or not.... :)

How come here are som many intersections?!

quoted from:pencilsatdawn.wordpress.com/.../29/intersection/
Every time, every time I made some specific decision, then at least one more attractive item is going to appeal to influence my mind immediately. Probably it is a similiar situation for every body when there is a significant dicision be made up. It is! You can eat an apple and orange at the same time. You can watch TV and read some articles in the meantime perhaps. You can be playing basketball while you are thinking about your girlfriends. BUT, in some specific moment, you can have only one choice, only one. Such as when we are driving, we can choose high way to be faster to arrive ar the destination. Or it is a good decision to pass the ways in countryside to enjoy the scenery during a boring process of driving. However, it doesn't matter what way you choose in the beginning, but it is important to make a last decision while you are close to your destination enough. There are many many intersections on the way to your goal. And then it is necessary to make up your mind in this significant moment when the journey is approached to the end. Be honestly, it is so hard to make it for me. I am used to have more than two plans. If the best one, plan A, does not work, I still have plan B (maybe it is for reducing my feeling of disappointment and depression. There is nothing can be assure before you offer your whole energy to achieve the goal. Fortuantely, it can be ensure that the rate to be successful can be raised if the effort is enough or more. I think that spending 35 years on making up one's mind is an pretty expensive investment. Let me yield a positive result with all my strength. Let's see. :))

Leave or stay

no surprised. My mind changed again. I hate the noise and sick smell in the factory, but I like these people who treat me as their foreign friend and work around me everyday. Leave or stay? I have an unobvious aim, there where is not far away and maybe it is really close. The biggest problem in my life is I don't know what I do want to do or achieve. However, I try my best to make it clear and specific. Time always playes the most important rule in significant events. Just few minutes ago, my best friend asked me to go back to Taiwan to open "OUR" business sincerely, as soon as possible. I am excited about it very much. EVen now. My answer is "YES" for sure. See, few seconds previously, I am anxious about where I should stay to develop a new career. And now, I am thinking how to leave asap and to grasp the chance which comes suddenly tightly. Anyway, I am happy to meet this situation at this moment. It is hard to sleep well this night. Of course, it is not about negative stuff. It is all about my dear friends and our new business. Ya!!

English

I do wish I can go to Canada to improve my English again. Here is the place where includes not only my strange thoughts, but my poor English. lol. I have no idea how poor my English is now; however, I am still enjoy writing something in English. Maybe it is an enjoyment for me to write, and it is going to depress my English teacher gradually. Please accept my sincere apology. I love English still. If there is one more chance, please let me be a foreign student to study English abroad again. Moreover, it will be wonderful to be Patricia's student one more time. Words are such a cool and unflexible media to describe everything. I am in Malaysia now. Here I can speak Chinese, Taiwanese, Malay, and English. Still English is the most popular language to be used in eating, shopping, and dealing with most stuff. I am keeping reading some novels and articles all the time. Well, I wonder if my English can become better after I finish these books. The rules of English are just in every sentence and every chapter. It is like I am doing an experiment to make sure whether it is a good way (or maybe a short cut) to improve any kinds of languages. Anyway, let me get some money first, then spend it overall later. :))

I just wanna write something down

It is all the same. It takes time to make new friends, especially foreigners and people who think about you with negative emotion in the beginning. Also, it takes time to adapt new situations, especially there are different languages and concepts in it. Gratually, I found that different language is not such an important element in daily life or communication. Body language is a international language definitely. Smile is also the best way to say hello to strangers without words. I love the way that Malay show to new friends. They smile suddenly from cool facial expression when they find you are looking at them. haha. Slowly, suddenly, but freidnly. The reason is not clear, but I always felt their smiles were come from their hearts. Sincerely. If I smile at somebody in my hometown, they will think I am a crazy guy or somebody who wants to take advantage from them. I am really enjoy about the way to meet people even though it made me tired sometimes. Someone has said that you will comprehend culture shock after you stay at an new country more than 6 months. Well i think it is an average,not for everyone. I got the shock strongly recently. It is fortunate that I am mature enough to figure out the major stuff. Good articles are also the effective nutrition to enrich my spirit and thought.

The most importante thing is ....

What is the most important thing in your life? It is easy to ignore it while you are looking for something concentrately or busy for doing something. Is it money? Is it position? Is it famiy? Is it parents? girlfriend? boyfriend? children? or ..... I found that I was confused previously. I supposed that how to be successful in work was my temporary goal. However, in fact, it was not. I figured out that how to get a girlfriend as soon as possibe was the one I cared about. Nevertheless, it was not. SO what do I exactly care about in my life? The people I love very much, and the animals I love very much, too. It is merciless for me to live without them. An old station reveals," When you lose it, then you are going to know how it is important and precious truly. And unfortunately it will be too late. Suddenly I found what I always argued with or worried about is usual the worthless stuff and people. After that, I felt exhausted to do anything. Such as eating a strawberry cake, I was used to taste cake first and enjoy the strawberry lastly. Sometimes, I was too full to enjoy the beautiful strawberry. Such as I have to finish several works, I always made small stuff first, and dealed with big ones with my tired brain and body. Of course, the results were not good enough, no adult. It is about different thoughts, values and opinions. Today, I miss that cat, that person, that moment. If I can one more choice, I won't let it escape from my arm. Except missing, I wanna do something more.

no time to waist II

We all know it, but we are still doing it. It is the exact problem. I know I have to grasp some related knowledge, but I am still here surfing on the internet. I know I am hungry to obtain more sources, but I am reluctant to move my eyes away from my laptop. Knowing something is not equal to realizing it. There is as a switch which can modify the situation to a better one; however, the difficulty is how to find it and make it work. I think I found it already and my right hand is on it too. So why am I hestitated to switch it? Afraid of changing the stable life which I am immersing in? Or afraid of the future "I" who I cannot handle very well? Or I am a coward in fact? Maybe the answer is not the point. The importance is that it is time to make a decision which I should make long long time ago while I was an ambitious person who was fear of nothing. Time makes me smarter but timid. Or I should say I made myself cowardly but accuse time to be the excuse and the guilty cause. Heart will be the true and loyal friend all the time. Even my thought told me something logically, my heart would make me feel uncomfortable if it is logical but not fit to the real ME. Believe in thought, believe in brain, or believe in heart are all up to myself. No try, no failure. No failure, no success. No adventure, no hurt. No pain, no gain. No loss, either no gain. It is not a exchangeness. It is where the worth exists in. Cannot be ignored or erased. No wonder Nike is so populr. Just do it. DO it. As I remember that Jammy who is the most famous chef in London and in the television recently said," I don't fxcking care about your mother's flavour, just try it. God damn try it." I love the ways he did to encourage people to taste new flavor and foreign dishes. I believe he had already gotton a lot of abuse, rejection, and also admiration. I believe he can achieve everything he wanna do in this kind of spirit and determination. shxt. My friend just told me,"relax, relax."
-_-

50 cent coffee

quoted from: casualcoffee.ning.com/
That was a rainy afternoon. It's raining cats and dogs while I was looking for some data around three buildings. The weather in Malaysia is unexpected. When I was exhausted to move, there was a line leader who was drinking a cup of hot, black coffee invited me to take a rest with him. The rain was pretty heavy, and we could just stood on a corner of factory. He asked me everything about my previous job with a kind smile. I didn't talk too much but listened. He was curious about me and also my future. Will I go to China? Will I go back to Taiwan? Will I ..... Then he said,"You will be an important person." I was shock with silence and returned,"You are the important person." He laughed happily. I said," I will go to have a cup of coffee. You seems enjoy it very much." Ha laughed widely and showed me a gentle gesture. I went out and walked toward a vending machine which I reluctant to use it in Taiwan. It was rest time for all operators meanwhile, so there were full of operators under that shed because of the aweful rain. I was so clumsy to take out my coins while some operators were looking at me directly. A husky but shame and kind line leader who wore a green polo shirt as other labor and a heart shape tatoo which I thought it was for his lovest woman on his left cheek pointed at the blurred instruction and said,"50 cents, 50 cents". I smiled at him gently and put two 20 cents and one 10 cents into the vending machine slowly. There were four choices which were black coffee, coffee with sugar only, coffee with milk only, and coffee with sugar and milke both. But it displayed in Malay what I have learned only "Thank you". :) That made me confused and I raised a question," Could you tell me which one is coffee with sugar?" Another leader said," Gula, Gula." "Sugar? Is it sugar?" I wanted to make sure it."Yes, sugar. Sugar is Gula. Susu is milk." That husky leader explained."You can choose coffee and galu, if you want it sweet." I answered,"Yes, I just want some sugar with it." Then I pressed the "Coffee with Galu" botton and watched the old style vending machine working. It dropped down a paper cup and poured deep brown color coffee few seconds first, then some hot water into the small paper cup. I thought the volume of the paper cup was around 150 ml. When it was done, I took it out carefully as I was afraid to squeeze out the sparse coffee. After sucking a little bit, I explored out,"too sweet" while these operators were watching me with interests. Suddenly they laughed loudly and joyfully. I laughed at myself and laughed with them but without embarrassment. I didn't know why that atmosphere was so easy to make people laugh happily and it was indeed. :))I knew they were not laughing at me(or maybe they did laugh at me?! haha), but what words came out my mouth after I bought a same coffee as they did as usual. So simple and pure happy hour. A cup of Malay coffee, friendship, and a lot of laughs cost 50 cents only. There was no distance in that moment which was short, rare, and I knew it with a little sadness.

beside Kuala Lumpur

Here is far from Kuala Lumpur 30 minutes by car. It is not so far for the residents here to have fun in the capital on weekdays. However, they are two worlds. Here is Basham(I just know the sound they called this town, but maybe not the spelling). A lot of companies setted up their factories in Basham, and I think it made this town better. It is amazing that people wear the totally different styles in Kuala Lumpur and Basham, and they don't care about the difference as my observation. If you say "Big Apple" New York city is as known as an integrative city, I would like to say so to this region I have lived in half month. Here are three main groups, Malay, Chinese and Indian, living here. The languages they used are English, Malay and their mother languages. My Malay is still poor, but I could feel the situation they stay at is peaceful. Seemingly, at least. It is anothter shock to me that the people here are so kind and friendly. Taiwanese are well-known as a polite country, but I always found that people are more polite and friendly in the countries I have ever been. It is shame, but it makes me want to be a better Taiwanese. I think I used to looked at events or people in a negative way first, and then midified it to a positive way gratually. When I saw a person who worked with a poker face, I thought he was doing his job in a bored and aweful mood, but who knows maybe he was thinking about his girlfriend totally. :) The more countries you have been, the more you learn and the less of judgements you keep in. This is the best gift I got since I satrted to visit different cities, countries and cultures.

different life

When everything is not as usual, thoughts are going to change gratually. Malay are with satisfied mind to live in their unique pace. Are they poor? I am not sure, but I think they worked "hard" everyday. The environment is awful and noise is deadly always. Malay survive in it, so do I. However, I can decide when I need to take a rest. They can NOT. I wanna know what they think when they work as robots with straightfaced appearance. I wonder iI can smile to others as they do in their shoes. Everything, cats, people, even air, make me feel sad and sorry. I know I am still in my own shoes. Yes, Patricia, you are totally right. Traveling makes people smart. And I say, living in others countries make people grow up. I wanna show you an interesting and important discovery about here. When they argued with somebody, they would not bend their brows when they complained something seriously, but just yelled at others loudly. I remember I bent my brows unconsciously even I was happy. This is about attitude. I don't think I am going to admire Malay's life styles or their attitudes of lives in the future. Nevertheless, it shows me a new world. Barely, frankly.

it is all about choice.

My life in Malaysia is coming soon. Except Canada, Malaysia is the second foreign country I am going to spend part of my life in. The totally different two countries are located at the North and the South of the planet. One is bloody cool in winter and another one is always in summer. Life is short and interesting. It is also unpredictable and full of surprises. I had a lot of amount of conversations recently. Some of my friends are addicted to some particular things and stuff without any doubt. I feel happy to them. I envy them also. There are many many choices and the rights to make a decision to pick up one of them is belonged to each one of us. I met a close friend this evening and we had a good time to eat dinner together. He told that he feels satisfied and happy with his recent life. With good salary, beautiful wife and sweet daughter, he has no more things to desire to gain. What a wonderful circumstance! Although he declared that just after complained about some little expenses her wife spent everyday. :) HaHa! It is all about love. Anyway, thank you for your meal and coming. Welcome to Malaysia. I said I am always looking for mysterious goals which I have not comprehended yet what it is. I think that one of these goals is to be all of your good friend and useful mate. I wanna be successful to improve our lives. No matter material or spiritual sections of life. It will be wonderful to enjoy the time with the people who are close to us and grow up together.

ha ha ha ha

quoted from:http://www.ilovesuper.com/blog/gallery/14/StayReal-life.jpg
I thought that was my long vacation. Originally this is the long vacation. The person who can predict somebody's fate or future told me that it will take more than 10 years to Goal! I am gonna put it on a sheet of paper, then let it go. It is not easy to describe the difference between doing the kind of individual who reveal exact self and who show out others an image supposed to be. It is not clear when you are revealing who you are. Usually it can be descovered after a while you recheck what you have done. Here is nothing good or bad, better or worse, worth or unworth. It is all up to self. What kind of person is open-minded? What kind of human being is outgoing? What kind of people are worth to be friend with? Time goes by and the wisdom is ready to be found. Th more I done, the more I regretted. The more I show out who I really am, the more I like myself and what I have done. Thanks God my knowledge is growing up by time always. Take it easy and relax, Brian. \o/

Malaysia is coming

quoted from:photography.nationalgeographic.com/photograph...
This day is windy and rainy.
That email is bloody hot.
The feeling is exciting and complicated.
The guy is thinking about too much stuff at the same time.
The brain is stock suddenly.
The heart is beating hardly.
The mind is foggy.

The decision is crazy.
The road is thorny.
The life is unpredictable.
The future is uncreated.
The power is in me.
I am the navigator on my trip.

Cape No.7

quoted from:www.mtime.com/.../posters_and_images/671811/
OH!YA! Another Taiwanese Movie. I wish this movie,"Cape No.7", can be played all over the world. It was Made in Taiwan!!! And it is amazing! It is fantastic!! It is definitely worth to be watched and to be immersed in as long as possible!!! I watched it in this Tuesday's afternoon, a sunny day, alone. I was so satisfied to enjoy a comfortable and warm movie in a theater. I was laughing with tears. I can't imagine this wonderful scene before, but it won't happen anymore. Thank you, 魏德聖. The director of movie," Cape No.7". Thank you for creat a new century to Taiwan movie. This event will be remembered by all Taiwanese forever. WOW....

Orz Boys

quoted from:flickr.com/photos/83155671@N00/2662097153/
It makes me so excited that Taiwanese movies are appeared often gradually. No matter how strange the objects of these movies were,the ways these derectors used to display Taiwanese's particular thoughts and spirits were attractive and amazing. Previously, all the elements in Taiwanese movies were used to involve a lot of violence,sex and sadness. Although those negative items had indeed existed in the history, there were much more positive chapters which were created in Taiwanese's daily lives. Well, producing movies in Taiwanese is still not ready to be successful to be in a stable situation but I appreciated these intelligent art workers' effort to give me a better spiritual entertainment. This movie is fine but not so good. However, it did discover a new dimention in the movie region. We were laughing loudly in the movie theater and the points made us feel familiar and warm. I can't imagine the beginning of US's movie business now and even I can't think about it clearly. Recently, I am addicted to watch movies which were imported from Europe or some countries except US, and some were made by independent directors instead of movie companies and groups. There were always some interesting lessons I could be inspired deeply, and I have never found them in the mainstream,"Hollywood movies industry". I wish these movies made in Taiwan could be widespread in the whole world.

Make it wonderful

quoted from:www.ydog.org.uk/page7.htm
Today was sucks. A loser who is one of my co-worker did something really make me annoyed. I was too angry to do my routine well. I fell in thinking about why I cared this even so much. I not only knew it is a waste to think about it but also tried to control my temper to finish my work. However, it seemed not easy for me to take it easy. It costed me three hours to figure out what stuff is worth for me to care it more, to think it more and spend my limited time on. Finally, I understood the conclusion that I have looked for a long time to search is just as a commercial slogan, "Spending your time on worthy things." It inspired me again. I knew this slogan several years ago, but I was touched by it today one more time. I am smart to understand theories, but I am too foolish to put them into practice. Thanks God I am mature enough to make me become a better man and make the days in my life more interesting and wonderful....:)

It's all about LoVe

quoted from:www.links2love.com/lyrics_faith_hill_will_be_...
Tonight I watched a comedy,"Sorry if I love you" after I finished a busy and noisy work day. It is a simple movie although the language they used, Italian, is not so simple to me. :) There were many many beautiful words and sentences which were quoted from several famous poems revealed in interesting chapters and scenes. They are all about LOVE. However, it is not always good stuff around love. When you lose you love, it is painful. When love leaves you to another person, it is unstandable. I only remember one sentence. It said as,"Love can make you feel pain, but it also can let you forget about pain." How a amazing and fabulous poem! With the amount of tremendous musics penetrating the whole film, these words seemed as they were dancing. Turning round and round. If I have learned some Italian, it will be perfect. This is a luxurious Monday night. :))

Moon Festival

quoted from:fireflyforest.net/firefly/2006/11/17/moon-haiku/
I am living in the life what you had ever lived in for a long long time. I am feeling what you were feeling long long time ago. Ever I felt miserable about your life. Today I understand you more than ever. We are close now. So close. While you were eating dinner alone, I was roasting foods with relatives. When you went to bed earlier, I was still drinking and eating a lot as a starving animal. I do remember I have said happy moon festival to you, but I also remember I have never shared the day with you year after year. I don't know why I want to live as you recently. To payback? Maybe. To make myself feel better? Maybe. Wearing your shoes then I can know how you loved us. Living in your ever life then I can remember how you loved us. Everytime I look at your picture, I miss you. Even though I know you are with us always. You are generous and gentle. I am not sure if I ever wrote any articles about you. If no, I hope you would love this one. I miss that day we drunk some wine together in Chinese New year. Although it is only one time. I am glad I did that. Because of you, I am here. I am I. I know it is late. Maybe you will never know how I miss you and love you. I remember that tear you showed me. You have never cried in front of me. So I knew you missed us and you wished you could stay with us longer. I told you I would not let you worry about the family you built. I told you I like the house you bought. It was true. I told you I am appreciated everything you gave us. That was true. I forgot to tell you please stay with us until I get married and your grandchildren come in the world. I don't know the rules about live and death, but I rather believe you are in a better world. If it is real that there is a circle between live and death, I wish you will have a happy new life. You are worth to have it. Thank you and take care. Happy Moon Festival.

A hot afternoon and it is really hot.

quoted from":thatgirl2007.blogspot.com/
It is interesting that this question came out again, and what the important point is the answer is different now. Is it correct that we should do what exactly we have to do? Or, it will be correct to do what we want to do. The answer I choosed was to do what we should do because it makes sense and it is supposed to be the better way to live in the world. However, it has brought the peace to my life, but it makes me confused now. What I had done for a ling time was what I thought I should do, even it was against my characters. Recently, I was in a particular situation. In an office where I have to deal with my stuff individually and I have to deal with my co-workers. Human being is the most difficult project to be coped with. It is obvious that co-workers should trust each other, but usually they are not worth to be trusted. However, the only way can test whom could be trusted is to trust him/her first first, then he/her will show you if he/her is worth to be treated in this way. In future, I became angry and exhausted because there was no one worth to be a friend. What a hell these people are!? Look, all of what people lost were what they gave up themself. Anyway, it seems to be great to do whatever I wanna do. At least, I will feel happy.

One bottle of water + a book

quoted from:www.trafford.com/05-1326
It was a warm and windy Sunday. It was really good to enjoy reading outside with some snakes and drinks. There was a huge park in the middle of Taipei city, where was the the backyard of all Taipei citizens. I was there this afternoon. Life can be so simple. A bottle of water and a book gave me a rich time in a normal Sunday. I was thinking while I was reading. I was drinking some water while I am watching people shared time with their families. When the environment was quiet, it was so mazingfor me to think of something. It was not really quiet, but an environment with voice which is individual and unrelated to me. Better than without neither noise nor sound. I was thinking about the temporary job I was doing, the future job in Malaysia I am going to do, and love. lol. The feeling was charming, and I wished that moment could be released longer. I did have a good time this afternoon. Just with some water and a book. Wore a shirt and a short pants. I won't say that feeling is the best one, but it was the best moment I had recently. Is that right that poeple all in the same situation which they want to be satisfied, but eager for more and more stuff at the same time. Life is simple, which is according to human's heart.

Could I grasp it when the chance comes so suddenly?

quoted from: pravstalk.com/category/winning/
I know I am not normal, but how come, either my life. :\ It is the rule. When I met a woman who I was interested in, there were more women appeared at the same time. When I thought I just got a not bad job, there were more chances for me to choose. Is it also happened in other people's lives? I am proud of my unusual situations. :)
Ever, I was frustrated to make these kind of decisions. Unconsciously, it became one of my interesting practices gradually. Malaysia or Taiwan? Higher salary or lower one? A comfortable life or a worse one? Single or surrounded by friends? Known or unknown? When I am getting older, I can feel I am smarter and my mind becomes firm but flexible more and more. I almost can predict this is the last time for me to cry out what choice I should make. The more I ask people's opinions and people give me their consideration actively, the more I feel I knew the answer already from long time ago. Nothing is perfect, but the thing I accept will be, for me. :))

when the number became 32 to 34

This picture is quoted from: www.trueu.org/careerservices/A000000616.cfm

Time is passing without taking a rest. Sometimes it is interesting to rethink the past life in a casual time. At that moment, maybe it seemed impossible to go through the barrier; however, everything is going well still after 2 years. Two years ago, I watched TV all the time when I was out of work. I spent all the time with my lovely girlfriend on enjoying our wonderful lives. Work for me was just a way to get money without difficulties. EVerything could not be better. Now, two years passed away, I "suddenly" don't need to watch TV to consume my casual time. Nobody can take part in my life but completely myself. A job to me is such hard to be obtained, and it becomes a method to discover and accomplish my dreams for me. Something change a lot, but something is still the same. I am still me, but purer. Just 2 years. It makes a normal person translate to a better man. It is ridiculous that I felt so surprised because of living without watching TV. If you are as passionate as me on watching TV, you will understand what I am talking about. lol. This afternoon, I got an idiom which is famous and easy to be comprehended, but it is so difficult to be enforced. "No day but today". Share with all of my friends. P.S. Another one is "Later better than never". Oh! How can I only remember this one clearly all the time. :)

Little Angel

During my three days and two nights diving courses, fortunately I had a nice company which is an interesting family . It composed by an Australian husband, Nick, a Taiwanese wife (I don't know her name, even we have spent three days togehter)and a lovely little mixed-blood girl, Ario. This was my first time to excess a single trip. The feeling was weird and lonely. The courses were starting at an end of typhoon vacation, so there were fewer divers or tourists in KenDing. However, it was good for me to focus on my lessons. Back to that interesting family, they are all younger than me, and they are familiar with this situation because the husband was interested in diving very much. So even the diving instructors knew this family very well. I have to acknowledge that I did have good time in those three days because of the exciting period of time in diving and the lovely girl, Ario. She is 4 years old and the major language she used was Chinese. When she smiled to me, it looked like an angel who was standing in front of me, and she treated me as her friend, a close friend. She chatted with me, made some excises and games to have fun with me, invited me to have meals with her, and holded my hand to take a walk after dinner. I think she is shorter than 120 cm. Please try to imagine the scene she strengthed to extend her skinny arm to hold my hand and to match my height. At one lunch time, I went back from diving exhaustedly. I found she was eating her lunch alone and she yelled at me to have a lunch with her from fifty meters far away. How could I refuse to accept her invitation? Fromthe first day we met, she alwayse treat me as a person who she knew when she born. Maybe she was lonely too, or maybe her parents are not so close with her. I don't know. Nevertheless, I believe there are no adults who can treat other people like this. Without fear and irritation. Is she not afraid to be refused? No, I don't think so. Does she not know that there are bad guys around the world? No, maybe she is too young to understand the methods that adults are used to choose. She wanted to go to my room to keep our conversation, but I asked her to go back to stayed with her parents and warned that maybe I was a bad guy. I was not sure that should I explore the imperfect world to her so early. When I told her that maybe I was a bad guy, she told me immediately that I am a good person. The last day I had to leave, I told her it was time for me to go home while she was taking a dog to walk. She looked at me and told me come back tomorrow with a little sadness in her face and eyes. Then I left quietly when she paid attention on a cute puppy. Previously, my friends asked me if I wanna have a baby or babys, I said no. Now, I will say that I wanna a baby and it will be better to have a girl. :)) I will miss you, Ario. Oh, by the way, she can be a terrific photographer, she got talent.

discover the inside of me

quote from: http://www.gamez.com.tw/viewthread.php?tid=425719&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D935

People usually say that the feeling comes after the broke up with your lover is like heart broken. Well, is it that so painful? Yes, in that moment, it is. But the most horrible thing is the one which is going to come soon later when you are aware that you are a single person. It is not only just a loss of a lover, a girlfriend OR a boyfriend, but a lack of a company, a partner AND a closest friend. I found I feel lonely. I found I am empty. I found I get every feelings lightly. I found I am exhausted from everything. Nothing is there for me at all. Nobody is there for me anymore. Of course there is somebody for me in the future, but I wonder if I can love someone as whole-hearted as i did. At least I feel so absolutely lonely and single. I try such hard to figure out how I could live without her before, how rich my live was fourteen years ago, and why I can't live with myself only. I start to know why the poems all say the feeling is like there is a hole in your heart when you lose the person you fall in love with. Now I just wanna talk with somebody who can listen to and talk with me. But she can't understand any kind of funny things I do purposely to make her laugh. She doesn't know how to make me laugh either. I am feeling I am taking off the suit of armor which is used to protect my tender heart for a long long time, without fear. I start to understand why some old guys will go dying soon after their wives died. Because the most most important people in their lives are gone. There are no enough time for them to find the next one to live and talk with, even if they think they can. There is no reason for me to live if I have to face the kind of situation. Yes, there are something more scared than death for sure. When we are young, we have everything, time, friends, figures, appearances, money and so on. However, we have nothing but few days to live when we are old. I will be really appreciated the girl who is going to fall in love with me. I can't imagine the scene, and it becomes so strange and far away, I mean romance. It is embarrassed to face my real feeling and emotion directly, but I should do it long time ago, maybe before I lost her. Thank God I am still have time to accomplish what I am desired to immerse in. I will keep thinking everything which is related to my future. Sorry ,my friends. I need these days to be calm. I will be back before they start to forget there is a nice guy as me.

A job to a man

picture from http://store.pchome.com.tw/bikecity/M01732091.htm

From that day I arrived home, today is the 134th day. The first 100 days I spent on looking for some opportunities to go abroad again. However, I couldn't make it be happened. There were some particular conditions I lacked probably, but it was so hard for me to figured them out. Therefore, I decided to get a job as soon as possible recently. Suddenly I considered that I have not felt comfortable since I was at home, even I indeed did some researches. Why? About women? About accomplishments? Or is it about a job? Now I consider it is because of the lack of work. It is exact that accomplishments are important, but they are from what we do. I felt worried and frustrated because I have not done what all people do all the time, work. Who can explain that why we all need works to fill up our daily lives? It becomes a rule to have a job in the society, or it will be easier to feel uncomfortable. I can't tell you the answer, but I do felt annoyed. So I started to mail my resume to a lot of companies. It was harder than my expectation. I become picky. I am a senior worker. Some part of me is eager for a supreme chance to realize my dream. I think everyone wants that too. A job means too many things to me now. Maybe I think of it in a wrong direction. A job can represent a salary, a position and a level, but also a lotto, a chance, a future and who I am. Recently, when I looked at some peaceful elders, I wondered if I can enjoy these left peace life in a satisfied way as they chose. Here is one more thing I have to mention. I just bought a scooter this wednesday, and it made me feel like I got my "feet" again. That means I felt I had no "feet" when I took public transportations. It is ridiculous, but I did get more energy when I rode my lovely scooter. Oh! By the way, I chose a old-fashioned scooter which is belong to my grandfather and grandmother's era. Take a look in the end of this article. =)

Open my own business

You will never know what is going to happen in the next moment. It is hard to get a job in Taiwan now, so it becomes the perfect timing to open a business. These days I accomplished two important issues. First, I made a difficult decision to sell out my lovely car. It was not "her" fault, it was mine. "She" realized my dreams about traveling around Taiwan, and it was also the interesting place to warm up my romance ever. However, I have no more chances to hang out with her, and also no more extra money to take care for her. Oh! I miss you so much~. Second, that idea was born yesterday morning while I was exhausted to look for my inexistent job. I was wondering why I didn't take my friends' advices to open a restaurant or a breakfast store. I have a little money and I love cooking, but I would not like to take care for a "space" whole year, whole month or even whole day long. Therefore, I decided to have a company, which I can make my dreams come true via. Well, it is still a dream, as a fetus in mom's uterus. I don't wanna lose it. I am glad that the amazing idea came out of my mind finally. Although it is late a little bit, later better than never. =)

Where is the English version?

This is the second Chinese novel I have read after I came back from Canada. Well, mother language is still the best choice to finish a novel as fast as I want. Every time it is so difficult for me to stop finishing whole books if I made a beginning. This novel is wrote by Paulo Coelho, an effective writer in Latin America, who was born in Brazil. This novel which talks about religion is very interesting. Oh! The name of this book is A BRUXA de PORTOBELLO. I don't know what the language of this name, but the most important issue was happened in that street, St. Portobello. I am not tend to make an outline or a skeleton for that long story. In fact, what made me impressed is that more than half of opinions in this novel are just match my original ideas. I have thought about these strange rules, customs, and thoughts in our society. Although the main idea of the story is about the girl, Athena, who claims the God is the Mother of Land, instead of Jesus who Christians praise and admire since long long time ago. There are so many samples show out that all acknowledge and behaviors which are not normal or unacceptable in the society, and the people with these "unusual" or "irregular" ideas will be attached labels, such as witches or even evil. However, they are just different from regular people. Moreover, when more and more citizens tend to believe in this "evil" religion, Christians starts to defend their historical faith, the only God in the world is Jesus and others are threaten. Whatever, all chapters in the novel are endeavoring to reveal some interesting but lack of logic phenomenons in our society and then discuss them in special events. That breaks the rules in my world for a while; however, the acts of brainwash are existing in every moment. It is not easy to think about something in an irregular or opposite way with confidence. At the same time, I wonder if all the ideas in my mind are correct or just disciplined?

A wonderful daydream

Well, that's true. If the God closes a window, he/she will open anothe one or more. When all Brian's plans got stuck, new ideas just ran out of his brain automatically. That day, he was reading some articles from Time magazines because he loves English so much. Coincidentally, there was a wise elder, sitting on the opposite seat to his, who sank into that piles of newspapers. Around 1 hour passed, the elder finished that huge task by browsing through those newspapers effectively, and he started reading some magazines which were published in English. Brian looked at him with surprised expression. An old man who looked like fifty-five years old probably was doing what Brian used to do for more than 10 years. The scene gave Brian a shock badly. "Will that be my future?" Brian asked himself sadly. "Does he love English too? Is he retired now? What is he going to do after he finish these magazines again? He probably spent all his time in the library before, and maybe he is going to do this ritual until he dies." Well, that was no answer. Maybe Brian was right, but it could be wrong. However, that truth was horrible, and it made Brian scared badly. The plan Brian made has to be expanded in the future. He wants to be useful in the future. What will he be lately? Maybe a teacher, an instructor, or a professor? We will see.

Farmer & Businessman & Consumer

Because of searching a job, I found a general but unfamiliar phenomenon about hard farmers in Taiwan. These hardest farmers didn't get a reasonable income after they endeavored for almost whole year. The qualities of their rice and fruit were better than the average of these goods imported from other countries; however, the return they got was lower than what they should gain. They couldn't sell their products in a "right" price. In addition, consumers still have to pay higher price to buy these food, and sometimes they couldn't obtain the same quality of these goods which were from these hard farmers. Why? What happened? Where is the money? Who takes it away surreptitiously? I don't understand this event completely, but some people and reports showed me that there is another group between farmers and consumers, businessmen. These businessmen not only pressed down the price of the farm produce when they purchased them from farmers, but also raised the selling price to get more benefit from consumers. They didn't work as hard as farmers, but they do get much more than anybody. Moreover, these businessmen tried to adopt a bill to prohibit farmers from selling their products by themselves. It is disgusting!! I was a businessman. Maybe that's why I can't comprehend this appearance of things before. I was in it. But now I am really sad to know this unfair situation which is existing in the society long enough.
A company what is hiring employees which are good at marketing and sales. The company is composed of around 50 farmers. They try to play the role of businessman to sell their goods and protect their benefit. They claimed that this behavior to be businessmen is an adventure for them because they are still farmers inside. They did this because they had to and must did it. I gave them my resume to see if I can offer some of my abilities to grow up the company but I haven't get any response yet. Maybe they found that I was a businessman totally, and it is terrible and dangerous to work with "real" businessman as staying with a wild animal. :(
I wish they can operate that company successfully. They have to understand that their compositors are these starving businessmen who are cold and crude when they deal with "money". How these farmers can survive between these wild animals? Wish them lucky....

Schedule

Is there a most proper timing to achieve a specific accomplishment? What I am sure is that there are always lateness and earliness. Some guys are lucky to find their way to go straight to their aims. Some are not such lucky, but they are still find other unusual ways to arrive the destinations. However, maybe few people never find the narrow and blurred roads when they spend their short lives in the world. Recalling my past life, unexpected schools, people, jobs were unexpectedly filled it. Is it kind of a classic disaster? lol! I wish it is not because the TV station might want me to be their guest to explain how I feel about my unusual experience. OK. Actually, my schedule "is" that after I am back home, I will submit application to an ICDF to go abroad and then I will be content to be a worker in my left life. Additionally, I have plan B which is to serve in a foreign company for a ling time if I can. I consider about the rules which I made and I try to destroy them now. I wonder I can do it successfully but it is interesting to challenge the stuff what the guy built previously. It is the third month I spend on thinking, so I feel it is time to "do", to move forward. Even something stupid. Be hungry, be foolish; Be brave, be smart; Be humorous, be unexpected; Be positive, be confident. Be confident, be confident.

Anne Hathaway

This is a wonderful weekend, for I have watched more than three movies and it is going to keep going until Sunday night. It is the way I consider the best way to train my listening at home. "Princess Diaries" "Prince diaries 2: Royal Engagement" "The Evil wears Prada" Yes, the three movies were what I watched already, and coincidently, the main character in those videos is Anne Hathaway, all the same one. Actually, the actress I love so much is Liv Tyler, but Anne Hathaway has the same qualities when they play some specific roles. The feelings are pure, happy, condused sometimes, and attractive. When I enjoyed those movies, they always made me think a lot and feel a lot, even too much occasionally. Myabe it is because of the dramas, stories, or the way the main characters played. I realize that some parts of movies are dragged from real lives, yet it seemed more romatic or unreal, but it does come from my life, your life, everyone's life. No wonder it touched my heart all the time. So deeply. Also there some very good and famous sayings came out from those movies. Everything involved in moves is wisdom. If I am smart, I can get more than others. Movies reveal people truth, dreams, hopes, and everything you and me have ever felt or abtained in watching movies.

If I really need to think of what people think about me, I should pay my all attention on thinking of what I desire to accomplish, to achieve in my short life. .\ /.

Simming Marathon

About 3 kilometers, from WuShe Port to GueiShan Island, it will be held a swimming marathon in May 25. If I translate the distance to swim in a indoor swimming pool, it is equal to swim 60 rounds in a standard swimming pool. Moreoevr, in ocean, it is much more difficult to swim forward because waves will pull swimmer back as doing tricks. UNfortunately, this activity accepts only the groups to take part in but personal applications. Now we just have two persons, but the limit of numbers of group is 5 people as least. However, the fortune is that we are able to swim 55 rounds in a general standard swimming pool without taking any rest after taking training. Is my chest thicker and wider? Yes, it looks like that~~lol~~It is the bonus of this activity.

Business of my family

You said," This is my family's business." How it is general apparently, but why it made me feel a little bit hurt!? I understand you didn't mean that purposely, yet it did mean something for me. It is a distance. I do live in my blato world. In my perspective, we are such close friends, as close as family, which I thought as that way all the time. It is not a love between lovers, either couples. It is more than that a lot. Well, It is hard to explain the sensitive circumstance. Did I require too much or was over the edge? Or your barrier is changeable, in control of your mood? Follow your own way? I am not mad of you. I am not sad because of you. I am frustrated that you are one of them, normal people. Maybe better than them but still belong to them after someday. Congratulations!! You are living in the real world consciously. Too bad i am still in the world built by me, or i will make it later. When you see that, and all my friends see that scene, no more explanation is necessary, but sharing enjoyment with me. I wish that moment will be in my life, Because i do believe it does exist.

Angel Cat Dog

Long long time ago, in a rich, heavy, various forest, there are an Angel, a cat and a dog living there for thousand years. However, it was wierd that they had never met each other. One day, a sunny day which came after a horrible thunderstorm, they met accidently. They were surprised, happy, fear, and excited. Their emotions and feelings were mixed. The Kind and polite Angel spoke first," Hello, how are you? I am Angel. I I have lived here more than thousand years, but never seen both of you before. Are you new inhabitants or visiters? I am glad to be your guide to lead you to have a look in this beautiful forest." Then the enthusiastic dog hurried to speak loudly," Hi, I am Dog, and I didn't see both of you before either. I live here more than two thousands i think. I am so happy to meet new companies today. It is interesting. I am white. You have a pair of wings, but you look like a human being. And you, you are black. Are you Dog? I wonder you are another kind of dog or something else. You look a little different from me. I was so bored these days. Where are you living now? Maybe we can become neighbors or friends. What do you think, guys?" Cat spoke now," I am Cat. I don't usually talk a lot, and i prefer to listen. Nice to meet you too. I live here as long as both of you. And as you can tell that i am black, so it is easy to be ignored or to hide. Actually, I am here because I have an order to accomplish. I don't know how long it takes to end my mission, but I don't care now. Well I used to be alone, but you are welcome to ask me out if you need a quiet company." This story is keeping going. DO you know Where is the location? It is in Canada. In Toronto. Uptown. And the Angel is from Russia. The dog is from Korea. And the cat is from Taiwan. They met each other because of the destiny. Later, they were going to do a lot of thing together.........

Cook ~ \o/

After a period of boring time, I took a lesson of cooking. Chinese style is not my first choice, yet it is a proper way to make sure if I love cooking so much or just it is an impulse. The class is held on every friday. Each time takes six hours to experience ten dishes. There are six people in the class, and i have two partners in the same team. Generally, I have chance to make two or three dishes everytime. The class is held for passing examination, so the significant point is the progress of cooking intsead of tastes. Today is my second day to go to the class. All my classmates are housewives or students who are studying at high school still. It is an another kind of interest. Until now, I got some ideas about how to manage shimps, chicken's breasts, meat from pig's rear legs, loofahs. However, I consider it really takes time to comprehend the mysterious tricks. I can feel it, but it is invisible or inconspecious. Well at the same time, I also feel my new life is starting moving a little bit. As old wisdom said," the most difficult part of an issue is the beginning." Thank you for your courage! I will make my life better with my complete effort. I am excited now!! lol By the way, the picture is 粉蒸肉片. The yellow stuff in the bottom is sweetpotato, and the all above are slices of pork with special powder. I preserved the meat with salt, sugar, alcohol, garlic, strips of chili first. The process of preserving took 15 minutes. Then piled the meat in a bowl, and put thick slices of sweetpotato as a cover on the top. Eventually, using vapor to steam it for 30 minutes, and it would be done and shapped by the bowl. It tasted really amazing~~The sweetpotato was the one that everyone praised for mostly. BUT, the main charactor in this dish is meat. *_*"

I am so lucky that you had been my lover

It is bizarre. I obtained this thought while I was waiting bus 311 for going home. No one was there except me. It was 0538 pm maybe, and it was supposed to be very crowded because of the time for students to go home. I was glancing around cars, buses, passerby and everything. Suddenly I missed you. We had been with each other more than ten years. It is much longer than the average of the time for lovers staying with each other. Even it is longer than some couples. I was so sad when we had to seperate. I was so exhausted to persuade myself that we were still friends, best friends. Furtunately, we are friends now. I love you. in another way. This is why I can miss you with smile in my face. I appreciate you because you completed my life originally. Without you, here is no Brian anyway. I understand why you were beside me for several years, and I was beside you in the same period of time. We were the best lovers. We are the best friends. We are the dreamy partners. I also comprehend why my male friends couldn't understand the reason I loved you so much. In the little prince, words cause misunderstanding. So please feel it, but not judge it or think of it. Just feel it and may someday you can get it. Then I don't have to explain it any more. It is superior than physiology and even psychology. It is it. IT.

Marriage

What decides the exact time I should get married? My age? My relationship with women? My ability about making babies? My appearance? My will? My parents? My friends? or The one? I knew this situation before when I was 25. Now I am in the situation, and I am 34 or 35. What kind of situation? All my friends introduced "a lot "of women to me and asked me what my conditions about choosing women are. You tell me first. Before you got married with this lady beside you, what are your conditions about choosing women? Are they match the lady you married with? I don't think you can tell me that. It is love. WHat is love? It is invisible. It is incredible. It is amazing. It is natural. I can' tell you when I will get married before the lady and me are sure that we are the one for each other. Even I don't think marriage is necessary in my life. It is a paper. It is a ceremony. I can make "marriage" perfectly without these extra stuff. It is wonderful you can married with your dreamy husband or wife. I admire all of you, yet I am enjoy about my single life completely. The departure of my second or third life is just starting. It seems unfirm, floatable, or even dangerous. Well, it is exciting and terrific too. Get married? Yes, sure, but maybe later. I am not in a hurrry. lol

Yearning is always beautiful and sweet

If I can, I wish I can miss you all the time. All the memories vibrate in my mind are so fabulous and tremendous. I wish I can spend the time on missing you, yet it will make me loose you soon. Memory is too beautiful to exist in the reality. Friends told me I am a dreamer, and I am a person who protect myself too much too. Oh, maybe I am one of them. Oh! No, Maybe both. Be real, be cool. The time I spent in Toronto was not the most beautiful period of time in my life, but it was the most meaningful and wonderful half year in my thirty-four years. I experienced the world I looked forward all the time in Toronto. I met the people I dare not expect for having relationship in my life in Toronto. My original world was too small to make a big dream. When I hold the bigger and abroad world, I was so excited but afraid that it was just a dream. Nevertheless, while I was surprised at your intelligence, your maturation, your humor and your smile, it was too perfect to be just in a dream. Everything in a dream is just good but not perfect or wonderful. And you were so perfect and real. The feeling is fantastic to know somebody who misses you. For missing you, I will improve myself as possible as I can. Then the reality can match the yearning in the future. We will meet each other at that time. It will be amazing and beautiful.

Small Happiness

Yerterday I went to a coffee chop, actually this store sells every kind of beverages, where I had fun with my best friends when we were young. I stayed there alone from 0445 pm to 0648 pm, and the companies were a group of high school students. They were so noisy and funny. As a matter of fact, I wished they could leave as soon as possible because I wanted to focus on reading my novel, The Little Princ. Thereafter, I found what they talked became a apetizer for me to immerse myself in the reading peacefully. Just like symphony, if my reading was the main melody, they were must the beautiful chord. I am not a capable musician. I often lost my attention to comprehend what I read, and overheared what they said. They were doing what I did almost twenty years ago. The content was innutrinious and sometimes in bad taste, but I always laughed with them. The class was low, but the feeling was pure and clean. I ordered a set whcih included a glass of mike tea and a bagel involved smoked chicken decorated with salad in a plate . The onion tasted so hot. I thought the cook forgot to stir-fry it a little bit previously to make the onion sweet and soft. Even if he wanted to offer a healthy dish, it is better to cut it in small pieces instead of such "huge" ones. lol . Back to the reading, that was my second time to read "the little prince", but I felt i have never read it before. Is it the problem about timing or the situation i am in? Maybe. Maybe I am mature enough to understand the meaning in the novel. I had a good time what i never expected that there. Eventually, I also bought a pair of sport shoes what i looked for from two weeks ago. It was cheap and nice. All of them were just small happiness, but i obtained huge satisfaction. It is not difficult to enjoy every moment, but keep a amusive emotion to welcome everyday.

Perfect plans cannot cover the change

I had prepared so many plans to accomplish my goals, but suddenly all of them are useless now. I had enough time to be upset and anxious, but I finally comprehend that there is no time to waste. I used to be afraid about that there are too much misfortunes in my life, yet i found what i really fear is i always spend too much time on feeling angry and distracted. Saving the time to do what is worth to be done. Happiness appears all the time, and so does sadness. Why do people worry about that it is too short to enjoy happiness, or it is too long to bear sadness? I passed through the awkward feeling quickly this time, and i discovered i was the boss of myself instead of any others. It is hurt to change something seems as a matter of course always. It is comfortable to follow the traditional ones all the time. BUT what is the exact goal we pursue? The feeling or the following exciting result? The interesting point is we focus on the feeling in the beginning, and then later we are aware of that the goal is far away of the track because of our carelessness. It makes me feel exausted when I meet something except of my strategy, and i need time to recover from the negative emotion. it is waste obviously. Waste of time and energy. Now i still make plans previous, but they are not for the change but the goals and the future. NOT for the change.

MOnster

Hello everybody who knows me,

I am sorry to show you that i am a mature guy although sometimes truely i am.

I am sorry to express myself to you like i am a good person although soemtimes truely i am.

The truth is i think everyone has more than two sides of himself or herself.

I have never tried to pretend to be perfect or mature in front of you, but i do wanted to show you a better person who is better than the normal one.

It is a fake one, yet it is true me in some way.

I am not tender.

I am not kind.

I am not patient.

the all above, they will reveal when I am doing or accomplishing something intensively.

I am not afraid you are gonna know the hidden me.

It is more attractive, i think so.

However, it is sharp.

A monster

Yes i am

no more cover, no more pretense.

yes, Clair, the nickname you gave me is a wonderful one, MB.

Maybe it is not Motorcycle Brian.

It is Monster Brian....

No way

I won't escape from the feeling. I take it sinerely. I am sorry. If you willing to forgive me, I will thank god we are still freind. If not, I can take it and i will treat like my friend still. I did too many stupid and regrattable things and decisions. I don't want to be afraid to be myself. Sorry about my unperfect personality if I hurt you so hard. I will love myself more and more. Then i can start to love others, from my heart. I love you. I wish I have never hurted you. Please accept this feeling and remember the pain, Brian. make it better and wonderful in the future. It is pity to lose friends in this way but it happened all the time. I have to go now. Thank myself to wake up to be the real one. bear the pressure and take it. Enjoy it.

What the hell....

WHat the fucking hell? I am back, and then i am sorry. Sould i come back? mixed it? blend it? half and half? what a fxcking situation? make a foundation and build everything on it? Why i always hurt the people i care and i always let the people who i don't care feel better? yes i am this kind of person. shit. yes, you are right. Friends won't force friends to do what they don't wanna do. I am pretty sure i am back. but too much. what i learned is in myself. reveiw it. check it before i do everything. Just like i speak english. be careful. before i let "it" out. you know what. it is useless . sorry can do nothing. Sorry can cure nothing. sorry always save the buy who did something wrong only. but the one who need the cure is who i want apologize for. so selfish. too selfish.

I am sorry.

I am sorryI am sorry I am sorry I am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryvI am sorryI am sorryvI am sorryI am sorry keep silence. I know apology will cure nothing, but i will feel better. so selfish. I am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorryI am sorry

I am back.

It is definitly true. To be a student is such fortunate. No more fear. No more mercy. No more tolerance. I tried hardly to be a tame member in this family, but you think that is me actually. You will never know you are wrong. Totally wrong. But you will see that soon, at least. You are not my target, you are not my burden. I am going to do what I should do and need to do. We all know that to get girls is not big deal, yet to have a lovely job is a kind of problem. It is amazing. I just finished an animation. It talks about a genius who limited himself in a frame because he cares about his two brothers and father. Does he care about the money? no. Does he care about the position? no. He cares about the relationship and the emotion in the family. So he limited himself in a tiny frame to keep the unbalanced balance in his family. Until he met a new classmate, it is not balanced anymore. He still cares about his family, his brothers, and his parents. However, he understands the time is coming. Without thinking anything else, but his own businese. So do I. Sorry buddy. I think I did whole thing wrong to make you live in this way, but you are not my duty. you are yours. i gave you more than twenty years, but i think maybe you have never known that, and even you thought that was natural. Seriously, I don't care about your feeling anymore. I don't care about your confidence anymore. I don't care about you will fale or succeed. now it is time for you to grow up. I have walked with you for such a long time. Sorry about that. No more. Because i am not a four feet animal. I only have two feet, and with a pair of wings. I said I am a lion, and i was wrong. I am not sure what kind of animal I looked like now. Hello my dear friends. Long time no see. the original one. .\ /.

Pressure

I am surprised that the pressure comes so fast, and it is from my mom. Somebody started the war which I tried to avoid always. I argued with my friend one day. I cound't sleep. Just second day I am back to Taiwan. A house. it is just a house. If you want the money, just take it. If you want to ask my help, just tell me directly. But never, ever do this again. I was angry. You have to bear your responsibility, and i will do my job too. However, you will not have my respect anymore. It is all business now. I will go to consider it carefully to distinguish the burden which belong to you or me. No more mercy and consideration. My way is there. Thank you for everything you done for me when I was not here. You won't know forever what i am going to do, and yo won't have any ideas why i make it so cruelly. Because you have never understood what you did was such foolish behavior. Look at the mirror if you can. Tell me what you get in the honest reflection. A hero, or a coward? Never ever do this kind of thing again, or i will let you know what kind of persons you are and I AM. FUCK the reality. No more mercy and respect. No more tolerence and consideration. I will do what I should do , even it is cruel. You asked it yourself. Think about it carefully, i mean really carefully. You just did something that you should not ever do it.

THe feeling is.......

I know it will become tough. I know it will go to the end of the lane. I know i will become sensitve. I know i won't cry. I know i will keep smiling with tears in my eyes. I know you will be there to look at my leaving. It will be the first time for me to have a girl in my mind while i am leaving. Everytime i looked at you. I don't know what to say. I am not shy. I am not embarrassed. I am not trying to be cool. I am just plain. I am just thinking with nothing. My brain is filling without anything but maybe your image. It is not just love. It is not just friendship. It is not just careness. It is not just love. It is not just love. It is not. You are beautiful. You are pretty. You are sweet. You are cute. You are amazing. You are fabulous. You are the one. You are the one who force me to abandon my original life. You are the one who make me to feel something else. You are an angel. You are a girl. You are a special girl. You are definitely a smart girl. When you find the way you have looked for so long time, you are going to fly. When you discover the light, You are going to smile. When you know who you are, you are going to be the one who you have looked for so long time suddenly. you are so nice and perfect, but you are not so sure about that. you try it hard. Wish you have bravery and wisdom in the future to deal with the difficulties you will meet. The one who can judge you is you. The one can accomplish yoiu is you. The one who can let you know you are wonderful is you. I am a messenger. I send you the messages from you. Can you tell that? Can you understand that? You ask me to be the messenger to send the messages to you. Now i am leaving. You are going to know the truth. I am sorry i didn' tell you that. Because i can be with you more often. I am selfish. but i am leaving soon. You will be much better after tomorrow. You will be confidente after tomorrow. LOVELY GIRL, do you know you are so lovely? Do you know you are so so so lovely? You are lovely.

What a wonderful world !!

Thank you, Clair. You gave us a unforgetable "final lunch". I have never expected this lunch could be so amazing, so fantastic, so perfect. Moreover, there was a crazy karaok after the lunch. What can I say? What a wonderful day!! I really appreciate everybody coming to have lunch together and have fun together. I also appreciate the guys who couldn't come to think about the lunch for a while. I know you are willing to come. I know you are lovely guys. Never mind. Everything is going well. Going perfect. Can you ask me the stupid question again? " do you like toronto?" What a such silly question!? I don't like it. I LOVE it. LOVE IT. The people who are studying in YorkU are tremendous! I am glade I am here even i am already 34 years old but i look like 28.haha. "gimme gimme more, gimme gimme more!" "slave~~" I believe i will have a nice dream tonight. I believe i will remember everything happened today. I stay here almost 6 months. but it is not worth or valuable than today. What I got , what i learn ,what i enjoy in ,what i want to remember in my life. I love you guys!!!!!!!!!! I just such enjoy when we are together. I love you!!!!!!!!!!